So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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