Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
