then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
