"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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