All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Pooping to opera.
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