I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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