how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
