Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize