I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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