I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
