I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
