im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
