i would punch a child for taco bell
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
