NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
