he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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