Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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