Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
