The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
