well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
