You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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