Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
