i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
