why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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