So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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