she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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