This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
