so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
