dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize