so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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