Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
