I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
