i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
