I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
