You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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