you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
