the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
