I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize