I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
