paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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