I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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