Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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