What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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