I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
