Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize