well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
