he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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