You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
