I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
