It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
