I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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