Pappa wants mamma naked
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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