I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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