I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize