It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
