I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
