you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
