Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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