Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
