OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Randomize