the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
