It was confusing and full of hummus
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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