Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
