No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
