tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
