im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What drink are we having for lunch?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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