I'm lost and stupid without you.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
