Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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