he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
