My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
