I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
