Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
