Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize