if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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