Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
