I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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