my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
