He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
