idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
