That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
