am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
