i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
