Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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