I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
