Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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