the condom got lost in my hair
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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