She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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