yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
