I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
