By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
