whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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