I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
