he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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