i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
