No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize